When There's Love At Home

I get so many emails from parents that are contemplating having more children.They write with their concerns and questions, in the end wanting to know what my perspective is on the subject. Keep in mind that you may have a different perspective than I do. That's ok, as long as you remember that this is my perspective.

I guess I'll start by saying that none of our kids have been planned. A few months prior to getting pregnant I would always have a experience or some sort of nudge letting us know that we were about to have a baby. My husband and I never sat down and said "Ok, let's start trying for a baby!" It always felt prompted.

We have 3 kiddos ages 4, 3 and 1. We found out that our 4 and 3 year old had Autism when I was 1/2 way through my 3rd pregnancy. I can't begin to tell you how I felt at that moment. I layed in bed for what felt like forever but was the course of 3 days, and cried. I felt so guilty that I was pregnant. I knew the brunt of this would fall on me. With my husbands work and school schedule, I knew I would be the one at the meetings, involved in their therapies and handling their behaviors. I worried what if the baby I was carrying was Autistic too? What if he wasn't and here I was bringing him into this "Autistic Sibling" life? What if he grew up resenting me? What if?...What if?...What if? Those were the only questions that seemed to circulate round my mind. I was severely depressed at this time, I was cursed with mentally unstable in-laws from the underworld that we had just slapped with Restraining Orders and then the news of my two toddlers. My husband was doing his best to encourage me. He would frequently tell me that if anyone could do this, it was him and I. Because we had love at home. Still, it wasn't enough to get me out of bed.

That following weekend, I had quite the experience that snapped me out of the funk I was in. As my husband and I sat there with heavy hearts over the heart warming experience we had had, we knew a way would be provided for us that we could effectively take care of our family and the needs that would arise. I never understood how some would say that Autism tore their marriage apart. For my husband and I it did the very opposite. We were already close but it made us that much closer. We know our kids need both of us. So with that all said, how do we feel about having more kids???

For my husband and I, we have a good solid marriage. I'm also a stay at home mom, which works for us because we have no family to help or babysit. We do our date nights when our kiddos go to bed or are at school and even then we still have our 1 year old with us. This all works for us. At this point we understand our kids that have Autism, we know how to calm them, for the most part. I feel like I have my household under control. We have next to no debt, we know how to budge and I still feel like my sanity is in tact. So for us, we say YES to having more kids BUT only after you evaluate your own situation. Can you handle more? Is your sanity in tact? Do you have the time to spend with them? Is the relationship you're in solid?

Why I Think Having More Kids Benefits Kids On The Spectrum

First I should say that my son has moderate Autism and my Daughter has Severe. I have seen with my own kids that having more kids pushes my Spectrum kiddos out of their "Autism" bubble. For example, my daughter is perfectly content being on her own. Prefers it actually. Having a very mobile and social 1 year old doesn't allow for that. He's always in her face, accidentally sitting on her with his fat bum, sneaks her snacks, slobbers on her, you name it. Sometimes she'll yell and flap but it only lasts for a few seconds. Today I watched my 1 year old wobble over to my 4 year old (who is also on the Spectrum), grab his hand and start sucking/gnawing on his finger. My 4 year old started laughing. Not the typical response for a kid on the Spectrum, right? However, after months of this, he has gotten used to it.

If you keep your kiddos in a box you made for them, they aren't going to grow and develop their weaknesses into strengths. When we first brought our 1 year old home, my daughter screamed every time he cried (she's sensitive to noise). Now she brings him his bottle. Also not the typical response for a child on the Severe end of the Spectrum, right? She learned how to cope. Her and my 4 year old also enjoy wrestling! It's my belief that it's the best thing you can do for their Autism, is to have more children. It teaches them so many wonderful things. One of the biggest ones we have seen is how to cope when unpredictable situations arise.

So in a nutshell, this is my take on having more children. You can be expecting more children from There's Tulips In Holland! Sooner than you might think, too ;)

Jazz Up Your PEC's Book!

My almost 3 year old daughter was just introduced to the PEC's program. She has taken it and ran with it! We have reached the point of making her a mini PEC's book that she can take out with her and use at pre school. I spent so many hours trying to find cute ideas for her book and didn't find any. I should mention that my daughter is VERY girly. I figured if she had to carry this book with her everywhere that I wanted it to be super cute. So this was what I resorted to!

Materials:

The materials are simple. Walmart has sheets of duct tape, that's right, duct tape! Located in their craft section. It comes in different designs. I used 2 sheets (1 and a 1/2 really) of duct tape priced at $1.88 a sheet. Ribbon from Hobby lobby. The fat roll that my daughter got a hold of ;) was $2 dollars and the small roll was $1. I like to get my ribbon from hobby lobby because they always have 1/2 off and have a huge selection. The MINI 3 ring binder was bought on Amazon for $5. The velcro you can find in the sewing notions aisle at walmart. I also used matches to burn the ends of the ribbon to keep them from fraying.
Directions:
It's pretty self explanatory. Put strips of velcro on the front of the binder so that your kiddo can stick their photo on the front. Glue down the fat ribbon inside the binder so it doesn't slip off when your kiddo is holding this.

Now for the inside pages I am going to go to a craft store and get cute card stock paper and laminate it. I just picked up a Hot and Cold Laminator from Costco for $20! So everyone watch out!!!

Coupon Code for ID Safety Cuff!!

Ok guys are you ready for this?? The wonderful Katie from TheOwlandTheFirefly (she makes the ID safety cuffs listed in my previous blog post) she gave me a FREE SHIPPING code for you! So now you really have no reason not to get one ;) Coupon Code is: autismspuzzle It's my blog address. So head on over!

http://www.etsy.com/listing/102517629/kids-id-safety-bracelet-childrens

Stylish Kid's ID Safety Cuff

Well guys, it's about that time when our kiddos head back to school so I wanted to share this little gem with you that I stumbled across. I have seen different variations of these but I must say, I like this one the best. She will custom make them for you to specify allergies, medication and or a Special Need. I tried one out with our son and I will definitely be getting one for our daughter when she starts school. Great for our wandering kiddos!

They are $10 with a $2 shipping fee in the US. Can we say "Freaking Awesome Deal!"?

 http://www.etsy.com/listing/102517629/kids-id-safety-bracelet-childrens

   

Chewlery Giveaway!!!

CONGRATULATIONS KIM AREBELO!!

 

(please contact me at aplaceformakingstuff@gmail.com)

****GIVEAWAY CLOSED****

Our first Giveaway! KidCompanions (http://kidcompanions.com/) and There's Tulips In Holland are working together for a giveaway! YOU get to pick ONE chewlery of your choice it comes with a lanyard or shirt clip. They have different shapes and colors to fit your kiddo! It's made with medical grade thermoplastic polymers and it contains no lead, latex, BPA, pvc or phthalate which are all toxic obviously. It also serves as a fidget toy. Ours has a break away back which makes me feel comfortable about it's safety level.

My little munchkin has PICA Disorder so we tried this out. In the weeks she has had this, it has helped lessen the amount of things that she puts in her mouth. We have gotten so many compliments on it's cute design from her SLP, her OT and her ABA therapist. She LOVES it because it's a necklace and she's my little girly girl!

This Giveaway starts today and will close Tuesday the  31st at NOON! I will announce the winner Tuesday night! Just leave a comment below to enter and make sure to check back on Tuesday to see if you won!!!

GOOD LUCK!!!

Remembering Wesley: From a Bully

I began to sink down into my cold chair as the Autism Parents began to go around the room and simultaneously share how they had each been tormented in school by other students. Suddenly the memories of my school years began to play on in my mind.

I was back in 7th grade and reminded of Wesley. I could clearly see him push up his coke bottle glasses onto the bridge of his nose. The lenses were about 1/3 of an inch thick and seemed to drastically magnify the size of his eyes. I could hear his slurred speech as he sat there at the lunch table cursing and slamming his hand down repeatedly as he spit with each word yelling at the boys to stop picking on him. I could see myself release a slight chuckle.

In school I wasn't the one that was picked on. I was the girl that hung out with the kids that did the picking. Making myself unable to relate to these parents sharing their stories. At the end of the meeting I was left with my memories and the guilt that was weighing so heavily on my heart.

I have been away from blogging for a bit trying to collect my composure again after finally having my toddlers officially diagnosed here in Missouri. What I didn't expect in all of this was my son being diagnosed with moderate Autism versus a high functioning Autism and that in addition to a Severe Autism Diagnosis that my daughter would be diagnosed with mild Mental Retardation. It gives a whole new meaning to the word "retard" that we hear so commonly and casually thrown around amongst the ignorant with limited vocabulary skills. It puts a face on the word. It puts my daughters face on it. My sweet little 2 year old baby girl's face.

For some reason I have always had difficulty looking at my daughter without being reminded of Wesley. It breaks my heart to think of the ridicule and the bullying that awaits her in her future. My daughter starts school this year. So I went and bought her American Eagle clothes, the best shoes and the cutest hair flowers. Expensive Brand name clothes that we can barely afford amidst their therapies. Clothes that she will inevitably grow out of in 6 months all in the hopes that it could make the tiniest difference in her getting picked on by other kids.

I wish I could go back. Don't we all? Don't we all wish that we could go back and change something in our lives? This poor boy that didn't stand a chance amongst our cruel words, our lack of compassion and maturity. I wish I could go back and do things differently. I wish I could go back and apologize, to give him a hug and become his friend. Even after that, it still wouldn't be enough. Not enough to make up for never having said anything. Not enough for laughing. It will be the guilt that I will be reminded of each and every time my daughter gets picked on for being different.

She has me to be her best friend, to be her advocate, to be her mother and to protect her the best that I can. After that, all I can do is pray that Heavenly Father will be there with her to watch over her the rest of the way.

Finding the Balance: Making Time For Your Non Spectrum Kids

Nothing makes me cringe more than when  someone tells me "Sometimes I forget you have 3 kids." I am always left thinking "How could you possibly forget? I have a baby attached to me constantly." On top of that it hurts my heart that anyone could forget our sweet little Baby. It is so important for our families to learn how to Master this: Not forgetting that you have other children and making sure that others do not forget them as well.

It "can be" <--- if you let it, easy to get caught up with Autism and aaalll of the many therapists in and out of your home every week. When we found out that our 2 toddlers had Autism I was 6 months pregnant with our 3rd kiddo. AT FIRST, I was mortified that I was pregnant. NOT because I didn't want our little sweetheart but because I felt so guilty about bringing him into the whole "Autistic Siblings" situation. In all of my lack of knowledge on the subject, I was convinced that my son would grow up resenting me. So shortly after getting the news of Autism, my husband and I sat down and from that point set STRICT guidelines. Guidelines that we hold extended family members to as well.

How Our Family Balances Autism, Marriage Relationship and Our Non Spectrum Kids

  
1) Each one of our kids gets alone time with us (Daddy and Mom) EVERY DAY, not once a week but EVERY DAY. There are times in the day that my son will come up to me while I am holding our baby and ask me for something and I look at him and tell him KINDLY "Not right now Buddy. Mommy is holding [Baby]. Right now it's [Baby's] time with Mommy." My kids are COMPLETELY ok with this BECAUSE they know that later they are going to get my undivided attention as well so there's no jealousy. Sometimes I will pick a kid to go on an errand with me alone or I will take one with me for ice cream. They know that they will always get time with both of us alone.

2) Our kids have had nap time and bed time (it's never too late for you to start this) since they were 4-6 months old. So at that time my husband and I take our baby and go sit on the deck with him or we play on the living room floor. My husband and I get to talk and spend time with each other as well. We then put our baby down and that time is my husband and I's time together to snuggle, watch a movie, talk or play a game.

3) Do not let others forget you have other kids. Wherever I go I am wearing our son in his Moby Wrap so people see him. Right now we talk about Autism because we are meeting so many new people since we just moved here but normally in our home or when we are with friends we do not talk about Autism. We don't want our other children growing up thinking their childhood was all about the siblings with Autism.  If all you talk about is Autism and the kids that you have on the Spectrum then of course people are going to forget you have other kids. That's why I have a designated place for talking about Autism, my blog.

4) When I introduce our family to NEW people I say "I have THREE kids and my 2 oldest are on the Autism Spectrum."

5) I do not (or I guess I should say "will not" since my little guy is still just a baby) let others tell my Non Autistic children things like "You behave for your mom, ok? Because she has a lot to deal with your siblings."

6) Last but also important, I wont be asking my other children for help. It's not their job to help me with their siblings or act like mini adults. It's their job to be a kid and enjoy their childhood.

The reason people forget our baby is because he is AMAZING =) He is so mellow, ALWAYS happy and easy going. I walk into the room and his face lights up with a HUGE smile. His smiles that are often meant for me are honestly what gets me through some of my toughest days.

 We love you so much Little Man!...