If I Homeschool Does My Child Qualify For In Home Services?

A common question I get is from Parents who have for one reason or another decided to Homeschool their child and they want to know if their child can still receive therapies (OT, SLP, PT, ABA) from the school district. The Answer is YES! By law (under IDEA) that is your legal right and the school district has to meet that need even if it means bringing your child up to the school for the said therapies.

As a side note, if there is a subject you aren't confident in teaching your child or an extra curricular activity you would like your child to participate in, the school district is also required to meet that need.

Here is the link for the information outlining the specifics of this law/situation:

http://www.wrightslaw.com/blog/?p=59

Why Special Needs Parents Are Better For It!

Today I watched as a thread unfolded on my FB feed. A group of women were discussing their annoyance of neighborhood children being up too early in the morning (7:30 am) and being "allowed" to play outside as they road their bikes down the street singing "Let it goooooo!" "Where were their parents?!" One shouted. "I would never let my kids do that!" Another added.

As I pondered this, I realized that I am  *genuinely* grateful that Heavenly Father gave our family 2 Autistic children. (I know, you're probably falling out of your chairs right now! Who could be thankful for such a thing?!) Every day He teaches me the ways in which Autism molds David and I into better people. Special Needs Parents have a level of patience, understanding for others, for life occurrences and trials that I'm finding other people just don't have or takes them a lifetime to learn. We see a screaming kid at the grocery store, in Sacrament meeting, on our ONE date night a month - a smile is flashed to the parent and I never find myself thinking "I wish that Parent would quiet their kid so I can get back to my life!" (see how silly that sounds?) Our hearts just don't veer in that direction, ever. They don't sweat the small stuff in life, trials are handled with a bit of grace, they have greater patience, they're more forgiving, they appreciate small milestones, they don't judge rowdy children, they're always ready to serve despite their full plates, are not easily offended, strive to see the good in every person - they're amazing!

When people tell me "Oh goodness, 2 Autistic kids?! I could never do that." Sometimes I want to tell them, "Yes you would if you had to and you would be better for it!" David brought up one of my favorite stories today that we have of Joseph Smith. On one occasion he was found wrestling, running and playing with some of the young kids from his Congregation. He was flashed looks and remarks over it. People thought "He should be more serious being the Prophet and all!" That following Sunday he found that some had made the choice to permanently leave the Church because of it. The story was shared in the context that sometimes we just need to relax in life. It's been a great lesson to me in this journey. Especially as I'm changing the diaper of an almost 6 year old, she's screaming out her window until 11pm (all of the Primary songs her little heart can muster) and I know that all of my neighbors can hear her. Or when she's whimpering and banging her head on the wall because I turned on the blender or she's screaming in the hallway of our church building because she just can't squeeze out another minute of composure. It's in those moments that I realize just what Autism and Heavenly Father are doing for our family. They're making me a better person. They're teaching me Christlike love, patience, endurance, strength, Consecration and Grace.

I always tell Primary workers, friends and family that Phoenix and Leah will teach them more about themselves and Heavenly Father than they will about Autism.

My kids will be outside bright and early at 7am enjoying their summer vacation! Wear those capes proud! You deserve it!

Moving Forward

One of the things I love about the Autism community is that I can disappear due to life, reappear and you're still right here for me. Thank you for being wonderful and always here.

So much has happened since I last wrote. Life has been happening. We were in Missouri for almost 3 years getting the help for our kiddos that they so desperately needed. There came a point when we finally felt like we were on our feet with this whole Autism thing, that we knew what we were doing. My husband was offered a promotion within his company and they paid for our move to Idaho. It's so beautiful here. The services however are lacking, as well as the education on Autism. We've been here for 5 months and I started to witness changes in Leah. She was regressing. I felt like I was watching a little bit of her slip away each day. It broke my heart. Following a very compelling Spiritual experience, David and I made the prayerful choice to pull her from her school. I felt so much peace follow this decision. Now we are homeschooling her (a post to come on this, soon) with an amazing curriculum and once again, she's blossoming like the beautiful flower that she is.

Phoenix is in a different school than Leah was and with an amazing teacher. We live in an incredibly small town where everyone knows everyone. The staff and Parents seem to have rallied around our little guy and they root for his success every day.

We ran out of his medicine shortly after we arrived here and we were in the process of getting their insurance switched over. It's been such a long time (about 3 years) since we have seen Phoenix off of his medicine. During the excruciatingly long weeks that followed, Phoenix had his 3 year Academic Evaluation (required for children who have an IEP). The meeting was this morning and I asked David if he would go in my place. I knew what his Team of Therapists and Teachers would say and I didn't feel that I could sit through it dry eyed. As I lay in bed last night and read my Draft Copy of their evaluation and looked over all of his scores, I was reminded of his struggles. I was reminded that my bright and sweet boy has Autism. There was no medication to mask it this time. With out his medicine, he scored in the moderate to severe range of Autism, again. His Teacher pulled me aside last week and told me that it broke her heart to watch him and that he looked as if he were in pain. He quite literally has no control over his body without it. At one point he even told me that he was sorry. Sorry that he was knocking things over, running into walls, screaming at others, having melt downs for no apparent reason and hitting things with his limbs (unintentionally). It's a painful thing for a mother to watch. It's ADHD x 100 (the clinical diagnosis is Impulsivity Control Disorder which he was diagnosed with in addition to his Autism). We were able to fill his medicine this week and that first night after we had put his siblings to bed, he curled up to me on the couch and said, "I feel better." He looked at me with his big beautiful blue eyes and in that moment we both knew what he was saying.

Purging Your Life 
It's been a year since I've written here. I can feel that I'm not the same person. The things that once mattered to me no longer do. This past year I have felt Heavenly Father pulling, pushing and stretching me beyond what I thought was imaginable. The only thing that seems to matter to me now is my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I have stopped worrying about appeasing others and only focus on making Him happy. Repenting more, showing more gratitude, spending less time on the computer and more with my family, shutting the noise out of my life so that I can better hear that still small voice.

While this isn't something I would generally share, it was a turning point in our Journey. The last time I spoke to one of my Sister-in-laws was almost a year ago. She told me that my children were a mistake and that her and her girlfriend (partner) didn't feel Phoenix and Leah had Autism (they hadn't seen them since they were babies and they felt they have more experience/credentials at diagnosing Autism than the Thompson Center - the #2 Autism Research Center in the Country... [sarcasm]). As I listened, by this time I had worked closely with 100's of Autism families and with every sentence that escaped their mouths it became more and more apparent to me how uneducated they were on Autism. Genuinely so uneducated on it, something that runs so rampant in their own family. That night David and I sat down and had a heartfelt conversation that lasted about 3 hours and we made a united tough choice. We couldn't seem to wrap our heads around what kind of person (Adult) would say something so awful and truly ugly about a 4 and 5 year old with Special Needs that couldn't defend themselves. At one point we even said how badly we wished we could see her face if she were to see Leah for the first time since she was age 1. (Leah's Autism is very obvious within the first minute of meeting her, even to a stranger who knows nothing of Autism. She rocks back and forth/spins in circles, hums, stares off to the side and has limited communication.) We knew that those things really weren't important though and that that was the wrong Spirit to find ourselves in. It was that night that we decided to permanently prune the dead, fruitless branches from our lives. It's been the choice that has brought the most peace but also was the most hard to make. No one ever wants to cut family relationships. This experience has taught us to surround our children with friends and family that adore and think the world of them. Family and friends that see their struggles and do all they can to help in building them up. This is the environment that has brought us the most happiness. Life is too short and the needs of our children too great to surround them with anything less than that.

I'm trying harder to utilize the Atonement every day. I've learned so personally that it's not just for things that I do wrong but also for the wrong that has been done to me. I'm grateful for a loving Savior and Heavenly Father that I know know's my name. For a Heavenly Father that I know is mindful of my family. For a Heavenly Father that hears the deepest, earnest Prayers of my heart. The Spirit (Holy Ghost) is teaching me what is most important in my life. It's my Husband and my Children. It's not the clothes we wear, how big our home is, what kind of car we drive or how much income we bring in. It's our sweet little family.

Thank you for supporting us in this journey.

An Open Letter To My Daughter's About Prince Charming

For my little Leah and sweetheart Selena:

Yes, I've seen it. The sharing of the more-than-he-can-afford engagement ring photos. The wedding photos with matching colors. The extravagant and perfectly choreographed wedding receptions. I've seen them all. I love you enough to tell you what you won't find being shared on social media. I love you enough to tell you about the real Prince Charming:

He may not pull up on a white horse. It might be a beat up old black Honda Civic.

It may not be the proposal talked about in the movies. Instead it might be in his beat up old car when he looks at you and says "You know I love you, right? So, will you marry me?"

He may not pull out a little blue box from Tiffany's. In fact, he may not have a ring for you at all until a week after you marry.

The real Prince Charming will hold you tight as you cry away the loss of a pregnancy.

He may not be Mr. Twinkle Toes on the dance floor. It actually might even resemble something of a drowning cat.

He will tell you how great dinner tasted when you've burned everything your first year of marriage learning how to cook.

He might climb in the shower with you when you're pregnant because he worries about you falling.

He might leave his dirty laundry all over the house for you to pick up.

He may snore so loud at night that you're actually concerned he might suck up his pillow and maybe even yours too.

Prince Charming might have gas so bad that you have vowed to never feed that man chili again. Ever. Seriously, you've thrown out all of the beans in your house.

He might have what's called "Daddy-olepsy" When his bum hits the couch he's out. 

Happily Ever After may come in a tiny package covered in Peanut Butter that calls you "mom"

Prince Charming  might get up early with the kiddos while he lets you sleep off a restless night that entailed soothing a teething baby.

Happily Ever After might be spending your Friday nights in your yoga pants with your family watching a G rated movie drinking apple juice on the couch.

Happily Ever After might come in piles of laundry that need to be washed and folded.

The real Prince Charming will cheer you through every minute of  a 16 hour delivery.

The real Prince Charming will whisper to his new daughter "You have your mother's smile" when he thinks you aren't listening.

He might tell you how great it is to be growing old with you while his hair line is receding and you're lathering on that wrinkle cream!

He will end most nights with an "I love you" or an "I missed you today"

This is a real Prince Charming. This is your Daddy.

Jamberry Nails Giveaway Officially Open!

**Jamberry Nails GIVEAWAY OFFICIALLY OPEN!!!** 


WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED Saturday, Oct. 19th @ 10am central. If you do not check back Saturday, a new winner will be picked.

For more information head over to my FB Page @ https://www.facebook.com/AutismJourney

It Could've Been Us - An Outpouring of Love For Those That Have Been Lost

Yes! Only a week later and finally done! as I kicked the last empty moving box into the garage. Glanced at the clock, it was 11pm. If I hurried I might be able to take a shower, wash off the stench of unpacking and still be able to catch a few hours of sleep before the kids woke up for school. I quickly hopped in and out and did one last check around the house to make sure the doors were locked and baby gates were positioned before climbing in bed next to my husband. Finally... I thought, as I drifted off. The bright red numbers staring back at me, 11:30.

The beating on the front door jolted me out of my sleep. Heart racing, I glanced at the clock, 1am. Dressed in the first thing we could find, we fumbled our way to the front door to find a Police Officer waiting for us.

"Can we help you Officer?" my husband asked, half conscious.

"Do you have a son?" asked the Officer.

Why was he asking about our son? My heart began to pick up pace as I turned around to glance around the living room. Everything looked in order, nothing out of place. Just before returning my gaze to the Officer, something caught my eye, a cracked door. Bolting my way through the living room and hurdling over the baby gate like an Olympic track star I threw open the door to my sons room.

"David! David! Where is he?! He's gone! Phoenix is gone!" I screamed as I yanked back the blankets from his bed.

Struggling to catch my breath and control my thoughts from depicting horrible scenarios, I felt the hot tears rush down my face as I threw open the door to the bathroom, "Phoenix?!?!" My daughters room, "Phoenix?!?!" I screamed once more, hoping to hear his little voice say something, anything. I stumbled back to the living room, my legs feeling heavier with each step. I forced the words out of my mouth again "He's gone." My husband not yet having grasped what was going on...

"Ma'am can you tell me what your son looks like?"

The room spinning as I tried to answer, "He has Autism. My son has Autism, we just moved here. He's only 3 and a 1/2. There's a creek near by. He doesn't know anyone, Red hair. Red hair, blue eyes. Here..." as I ripped a photo from my purse and shoved it into the Officers chest. I could hear the rain beating off his uniform as he looked at the photo.

"Sounds about right" he said, as he turned around and made a gesture to his Police Car.

Before I could push him out of the way to get a clear look, I heard a familiar voice, "Mommy!" Running up from behind the Officer was Phoenix, pj's soaked and barefoot.

"I played on the slide! My pj's are wet, I need new pj's. I need new pj's! They're wet, they're wet. I'm wet, mom."

I yanked him into the house and squeezed him tighter than I had ever squeezed him in his life. I closed my eyes and breathed in his smell of sweat and rain.

"How did you know, how did you know to come here?" I asked the two Officers, as I wiped my cheeks.

"Your house was the only one on the street with the door open. When we got him in the car, we knew something wasn't right. My nephew has Autism. Sorry Ma'am, I'm Officer Smith." as he reached out and extended his hand.

"Smith?" I asked as I stared blankly at his hand.

"Yes. Officer Joseph Smith."

I knew Heavenly Father had been watching over my son that night.

* * *

Autism is something real and very much alive in our society. 49% of children with Autism attempt to elope from a safe environment, a rate nearly 4 times higher than their unaffected siblings. See link from Child Mind Institute. At some point, 49% of Autism families will experience the reality of their child wandering off. It's *NOT* a lack of parental supervision. In our case we had dead bolts locked, child locks on the door knobs and baby gates up. My Son made it past all of these things and did so while everyone in the house was sleeping. For a week my son had been asking me to go to the park that was 4 houses down from our house. I kept telling him that we would go later, when we were done unpacking. 

Fortunately for us, a woman was driving by the park at 1 am. She barely caught a glimpse of my son in the dark playing on the slide in the rain. She immediately pulled over, grabbed my son and pulled him into her mini van and called the Police. There aren't many days that I haven't thought of this incident that took place 3 years ago (he's almost 6 now [2014]). There are people out there that would have you believe that these incidences you hear of are due to a lack of good parenting. I share this with you to tell you that it's not case. These kiddos/adults sometimes have the desire to leave their environment, it becomes a sudden urge for them. Some might say "All children have that desire." The difference here is that YOUR children will grow out of it, ours wont. Now we have deadbolts on the tops of all of our doors and alarms on all of the doors and windows. We keep them on all day and night.

Instead of casting premature judgements, ask yourself what you can do to help. With the skyrocketing Autism rates, everyone knows someone with Autism. Keep your eyes peeled for un attended children, be aware of your pools. If you have a neighbor with a child that has Autism, ask them if there is anything you should be aware of. And for the love of all that is good, start showing these families some support.

My heart goes out to these families. The Autism community is here to support you. ~Ashlie

GIVEAWAY!!!!!!

**VONDA MINOR!!! You are the awesome WINNER!!!**

***GIVEAWAY CLOSED***

 ***If winner does not contact me via email (aplaceformakingstuff@gmail.com) by Monday, April 22nd, A NEW WINNER WILL BE PICKED!***

TO ENTER: Leave comment with your name and tell me who it's for! Don't be embarrassed to say it's for yourself! Ha ha ha!

Pick ONE lego flash drive of your choice. (Batman, Buzz Lightyear, Darth Vader, Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Spongebob Squarepants, Storm Trooper, Woody)

Store and share photos, videos, documents and music on a portable, easy to carry flash drive featuring these awesome characters!!!

Card Capacity: 4 GB

Compatible with Windows 7, 8, Windows XP, Windows Vista, Mac OS 10+ and Linux; Hi-Speed USB 2.0 port required for high speed transfer.

USB dust cap included with flash drive.

Giveaway Sponsored By: http://www.etsy.com/shop/NandoKommando

7 Things You Don't Know to Ask For When Transitioning Your Child To Middle School

7 Things You Don't Know To Ask For When Transitioning Your Child To Middle School

When There's Love At Home

I get so many emails from parents that are contemplating having more children.They write with their concerns and questions, in the end wanting to know what my perspective is on the subject. Keep in mind that you may have a different perspective than I do. That's ok, as long as you remember that this is my perspective.

I guess I'll start by saying that none of our kids have been planned. A few months prior to getting pregnant I would always have a experience or some sort of nudge letting us know that we were about to have a baby. My husband and I never sat down and said "Ok, let's start trying for a baby!" It always felt prompted.

We have 3 kiddos ages 4, 3 and 1. We found out that our 4 and 3 year old had Autism when I was 1/2 way through my 3rd pregnancy. I can't begin to tell you how I felt at that moment. I layed in bed for what felt like forever but was the course of 3 days, and cried. I felt so guilty that I was pregnant. I knew the brunt of this would fall on me. With my husbands work and school schedule, I knew I would be the one at the meetings, involved in their therapies and handling their behaviors. I worried what if the baby I was carrying was Autistic too? What if he wasn't and here I was bringing him into this "Autistic Sibling" life? What if he grew up resenting me? What if?...What if?...What if? Those were the only questions that seemed to circulate round my mind. I was severely depressed at this time, I was cursed with mentally unstable in-laws from the underworld that we had just slapped with Restraining Orders and then the news of my two toddlers. My husband was doing his best to encourage me. He would frequently tell me that if anyone could do this, it was him and I. Because we had love at home. Still, it wasn't enough to get me out of bed.

That following weekend, I had quite the experience that snapped me out of the funk I was in. As my husband and I sat there with heavy hearts over the heart warming experience we had had, we knew a way would be provided for us that we could effectively take care of our family and the needs that would arise. I never understood how some would say that Autism tore their marriage apart. For my husband and I it did the very opposite. We were already close but it made us that much closer. We know our kids need both of us. So with that all said, how do we feel about having more kids???

For my husband and I, we have a good solid marriage. I'm also a stay at home mom, which works for us because we have no family to help or babysit. We do our date nights when our kiddos go to bed or are at school and even then we still have our 1 year old with us. This all works for us. At this point we understand our kids that have Autism, we know how to calm them, for the most part. I feel like I have my household under control. We have next to no debt, we know how to budge and I still feel like my sanity is in tact. So for us, we say YES to having more kids BUT only after you evaluate your own situation. Can you handle more? Is your sanity in tact? Do you have the time to spend with them? Is the relationship you're in solid?

Why I Think Having More Kids Benefits Kids On The Spectrum

First I should say that my son has moderate Autism and my Daughter has Severe. I have seen with my own kids that having more kids pushes my Spectrum kiddos out of their "Autism" bubble. For example, my daughter is perfectly content being on her own. Prefers it actually. Having a very mobile and social 1 year old doesn't allow for that. He's always in her face, accidentally sitting on her with his fat bum, sneaks her snacks, slobbers on her, you name it. Sometimes she'll yell and flap but it only lasts for a few seconds. Today I watched my 1 year old wobble over to my 4 year old (who is also on the Spectrum), grab his hand and start sucking/gnawing on his finger. My 4 year old started laughing. Not the typical response for a kid on the Spectrum, right? However, after months of this, he has gotten used to it.

If you keep your kiddos in a box you made for them, they aren't going to grow and develop their weaknesses into strengths. When we first brought our 1 year old home, my daughter screamed every time he cried (she's sensitive to noise). Now she brings him his bottle. Also not the typical response for a child on the Severe end of the Spectrum, right? She learned how to cope. Her and my 4 year old also enjoy wrestling! It's my belief that it's the best thing you can do for their Autism, is to have more children. It teaches them so many wonderful things. One of the biggest ones we have seen is how to cope when unpredictable situations arise.

So in a nutshell, this is my take on having more children. You can be expecting more children from There's Tulips In Holland! Sooner than you might think, too ;)

Jazz Up Your PEC's Book!

My almost 3 year old daughter was just introduced to the PEC's program. She has taken it and ran with it! We have reached the point of making her a mini PEC's book that she can take out with her and use at pre school. I spent so many hours trying to find cute ideas for her book and didn't find any. I should mention that my daughter is VERY girly. I figured if she had to carry this book with her everywhere that I wanted it to be super cute. So this was what I resorted to!

Materials:

The materials are simple. Walmart has sheets of duct tape, that's right, duct tape! Located in their craft section. It comes in different designs. I used 2 sheets (1 and a 1/2 really) of duct tape priced at $1.88 a sheet. Ribbon from Hobby lobby. The fat roll that my daughter got a hold of ;) was $2 dollars and the small roll was $1. I like to get my ribbon from hobby lobby because they always have 1/2 off and have a huge selection. The MINI 3 ring binder was bought on Amazon for $5. The velcro you can find in the sewing notions aisle at walmart. I also used matches to burn the ends of the ribbon to keep them from fraying.
Directions:
It's pretty self explanatory. Put strips of velcro on the front of the binder so that your kiddo can stick their photo on the front. Glue down the fat ribbon inside the binder so it doesn't slip off when your kiddo is holding this.

Now for the inside pages I am going to go to a craft store and get cute card stock paper and laminate it. I just picked up a Hot and Cold Laminator from Costco for $20! So everyone watch out!!!

Coupon Code for ID Safety Cuff!!

Ok guys are you ready for this?? The wonderful Katie from TheOwlandTheFirefly (she makes the ID safety cuffs listed in my previous blog post) she gave me a FREE SHIPPING code for you! So now you really have no reason not to get one ;) Coupon Code is: autismspuzzle It's my blog address. So head on over!

http://www.etsy.com/listing/102517629/kids-id-safety-bracelet-childrens

Stylish Kid's ID Safety Cuff

Well guys, it's about that time when our kiddos head back to school so I wanted to share this little gem with you that I stumbled across. I have seen different variations of these but I must say, I like this one the best. She will custom make them for you to specify allergies, medication and or a Special Need. I tried one out with our son and I will definitely be getting one for our daughter when she starts school. Great for our wandering kiddos!

They are $10 with a $2 shipping fee in the US. Can we say "Freaking Awesome Deal!"?

 http://www.etsy.com/listing/102517629/kids-id-safety-bracelet-childrens

   

Chewlery Giveaway!!!

CONGRATULATIONS KIM AREBELO!!

 

(please contact me at aplaceformakingstuff@gmail.com)

****GIVEAWAY CLOSED****

Our first Giveaway! KidCompanions (http://kidcompanions.com/) and There's Tulips In Holland are working together for a giveaway! YOU get to pick ONE chewlery of your choice it comes with a lanyard or shirt clip. They have different shapes and colors to fit your kiddo! It's made with medical grade thermoplastic polymers and it contains no lead, latex, BPA, pvc or phthalate which are all toxic obviously. It also serves as a fidget toy. Ours has a break away back which makes me feel comfortable about it's safety level.

My little munchkin has PICA Disorder so we tried this out. In the weeks she has had this, it has helped lessen the amount of things that she puts in her mouth. We have gotten so many compliments on it's cute design from her SLP, her OT and her ABA therapist. She LOVES it because it's a necklace and she's my little girly girl!

This Giveaway starts today and will close Tuesday the  31st at NOON! I will announce the winner Tuesday night! Just leave a comment below to enter and make sure to check back on Tuesday to see if you won!!!

GOOD LUCK!!!

Remembering Wesley: From a Bully

I began to sink down into my cold chair as the Autism Parents began to go around the room and simultaneously share how they had each been tormented in school by other students. Suddenly the memories of my school years began to play on in my mind.

I was back in 7th grade and reminded of Wesley. I could clearly see him push up his coke bottle glasses onto the bridge of his nose. The lenses were about 1/3 of an inch thick and seemed to drastically magnify the size of his eyes. I could hear his slurred speech as he sat there at the lunch table cursing and slamming his hand down repeatedly as he spit with each word yelling at the boys to stop picking on him. I could see myself release a slight chuckle.

In school I wasn't the one that was picked on. I was the girl that hung out with the kids that did the picking. Making myself unable to relate to these parents sharing their stories. At the end of the meeting I was left with my memories and the guilt that was weighing so heavily on my heart.

I have been away from blogging for a bit trying to collect my composure again after finally having my toddlers officially diagnosed here in Missouri. What I didn't expect in all of this was my son being diagnosed with moderate Autism versus a high functioning Autism and that in addition to a Severe Autism Diagnosis that my daughter would be diagnosed with mild Mental Retardation. It gives a whole new meaning to the word "retard" that we hear so commonly and casually thrown around amongst the ignorant with limited vocabulary skills. It puts a face on the word. It puts my daughters face on it. My sweet little 2 year old baby girl's face.

For some reason I have always had difficulty looking at my daughter without being reminded of Wesley. It breaks my heart to think of the ridicule and the bullying that awaits her in her future. My daughter starts school this year. So I went and bought her American Eagle clothes, the best shoes and the cutest hair flowers. Expensive Brand name clothes that we can barely afford amidst their therapies. Clothes that she will inevitably grow out of in 6 months all in the hopes that it could make the tiniest difference in her getting picked on by other kids.

I wish I could go back. Don't we all? Don't we all wish that we could go back and change something in our lives? This poor boy that didn't stand a chance amongst our cruel words, our lack of compassion and maturity. I wish I could go back and do things differently. I wish I could go back and apologize, to give him a hug and become his friend. Even after that, it still wouldn't be enough. Not enough to make up for never having said anything. Not enough for laughing. It will be the guilt that I will be reminded of each and every time my daughter gets picked on for being different.

She has me to be her best friend, to be her advocate, to be her mother and to protect her the best that I can. After that, all I can do is pray that Heavenly Father will be there with her to watch over her the rest of the way.

Finding the Balance: Making Time For Your Non Spectrum Kids

Nothing makes me cringe more than when  someone tells me "Sometimes I forget you have 3 kids." I am always left thinking "How could you possibly forget? I have a baby attached to me constantly." On top of that it hurts my heart that anyone could forget our sweet little Baby. It is so important for our families to learn how to Master this: Not forgetting that you have other children and making sure that others do not forget them as well.

It "can be" <--- if you let it, easy to get caught up with Autism and aaalll of the many therapists in and out of your home every week. When we found out that our 2 toddlers had Autism I was 6 months pregnant with our 3rd kiddo. AT FIRST, I was mortified that I was pregnant. NOT because I didn't want our little sweetheart but because I felt so guilty about bringing him into the whole "Autistic Siblings" situation. In all of my lack of knowledge on the subject, I was convinced that my son would grow up resenting me. So shortly after getting the news of Autism, my husband and I sat down and from that point set STRICT guidelines. Guidelines that we hold extended family members to as well.

How Our Family Balances Autism, Marriage Relationship and Our Non Spectrum Kids

  
1) Each one of our kids gets alone time with us (Daddy and Mom) EVERY DAY, not once a week but EVERY DAY. There are times in the day that my son will come up to me while I am holding our baby and ask me for something and I look at him and tell him KINDLY "Not right now Buddy. Mommy is holding [Baby]. Right now it's [Baby's] time with Mommy." My kids are COMPLETELY ok with this BECAUSE they know that later they are going to get my undivided attention as well so there's no jealousy. Sometimes I will pick a kid to go on an errand with me alone or I will take one with me for ice cream. They know that they will always get time with both of us alone.

2) Our kids have had nap time and bed time (it's never too late for you to start this) since they were 4-6 months old. So at that time my husband and I take our baby and go sit on the deck with him or we play on the living room floor. My husband and I get to talk and spend time with each other as well. We then put our baby down and that time is my husband and I's time together to snuggle, watch a movie, talk or play a game.

3) Do not let others forget you have other kids. Wherever I go I am wearing our son in his Moby Wrap so people see him. Right now we talk about Autism because we are meeting so many new people since we just moved here but normally in our home or when we are with friends we do not talk about Autism. We don't want our other children growing up thinking their childhood was all about the siblings with Autism.  If all you talk about is Autism and the kids that you have on the Spectrum then of course people are going to forget you have other kids. That's why I have a designated place for talking about Autism, my blog.

4) When I introduce our family to NEW people I say "I have THREE kids and my 2 oldest are on the Autism Spectrum."

5) I do not (or I guess I should say "will not" since my little guy is still just a baby) let others tell my Non Autistic children things like "You behave for your mom, ok? Because she has a lot to deal with your siblings."

6) Last but also important, I wont be asking my other children for help. It's not their job to help me with their siblings or act like mini adults. It's their job to be a kid and enjoy their childhood.

The reason people forget our baby is because he is AMAZING =) He is so mellow, ALWAYS happy and easy going. I walk into the room and his face lights up with a HUGE smile. His smiles that are often meant for me are honestly what gets me through some of my toughest days.

 We love you so much Little Man!...

This is an excellent video on the early signs of Autism done by the Director of the Kennedy Krieger Institute (an affiliate of Johns Hopkins in Baltimore). Well known for their Autism research smile emoticon She shows babies who are developing typically and those who have Autism. Family Doctors and Pediatricians receive ZERO training in Medical School on Autism making it almost impossible for them to catch it early on. They'll often tell you "They look fine!" or the most common "Just wait and see" or my personal favorite "Autism is over diagnosed" (says the man who had no training in Medical school on ASD wink emoticon ) 'Waiting and seeing' is the absolute WORST thing you can do because Behavioral Therapies have the strongest impact on a childs brain before the age of 5. These Doctors don't know this because it's not their field. If you have questions about your child or your family has questions then I highly encourage you to watch this video and share it with those family members or friends that don't understand. (9 minutes) 

Teacher Appreciation Gifts!

It's the last day of school! My little guy goes to Pre School at a fabulous Early Learning Center and I wanted to do something cute to show my appreciation to his Teacher, the Teacher Aids, his Speech Therapist, his Occupational Therapist and his Bus Driver and Bus Aid who are always so happy to see him every day! So this is what I came up with! I was told by my Teacher friends that they get tired of Mugs and Lotion so I went the Soap Route ;) Some Smelly Good Soap, Candy and Grape Pop.

"POP! POP! FIZZ! FIZZ!

oh what a great

[insert here]

You Is!!!"

I WOULD Change My Child

Let's be honest... (for 5 minutes)

At 4 am one would think that I would be trying to enjoy every second of sleep I could get my hands on. Of course I am absolutely tired but I find these hours to be the most peaceful in my house. I'm not tripping over rows of toys that my son has so meticulously lined up through out our house, I'm not rushing over to quickly throw a pillow under my kids head before they bang it on our tile floor out of frustration. I'm not de escalating a tantrum or having to rush to my daughter to take away what's left of the receipt she just scarfed down, I'm not pulling peanut butter sandwiches out of the DVD player. It's my time regardless how tired I am to reflect, to update my blog, to spend time with my husband, take an un interrupted shower that's longer than 3 minutes, to read my scriptures or to do Autism research.

I haven't been able to keep my thoughts from how much our lives have changed over these past 6 months since we got the diagnosis for our 2 oldest who happen to be 11 months apart in age by the way! (FYI: Breastfeeding is NOT a contraceptive no matter what your OB tells you ;) I was so adamant about only allowing myself that 1 week to grieve and then moving forward from there. I thought that if I grieved a minute more I would be doing my children a terrible injustice. I thought that I had to say all the right things like the phrase you frequently hear from parents in the ASD Community "I wouldn't change a thing about my child." I seem to choke on those words every time I am put in a position to force them out of my mouth because another person is telling me how sorry they are that my son and daughter have Autism.

You honestly wouldn't change your child if you could?

Well I would...in a freakishly fast second too. I love my children with all my heart but there are a few things I hate. I hate that my daughter will only let me hold her for a few seconds before she pulls away from me. That when she looks at me for the 2 seconds she can muster-she looks through me versus at me. I hate not knowing if I will ever hear her sweet little voice say "I love you mom." I hate worrying about who will look after her if something happens to my husband and I. I hate that she is inconsolable. That even as her mother I cannot calm her with my voice or my touch.

In the mornings when I get her from her bed she is usually pretty tired. So she rests her head on my shoulder and wraps her little arms around my neck as I carry her down to breakfast. That walk from her bedroom to the dining room is the shortest minute in my entire day. It's the only time she shows me affection in a single day. This is my daughter and this is a little piece of her Autism. Only another parent in my position would understand the ice cold sting Autism leaves on your heart at the end of most days.

I hate that my son screams out in agony each time he gets a hair cut and that it ends with both of us in tears. We have to schedule our appointment for when the salon closes so that people don't stare and children don't cry out of fear of my sons reaction. I hate that we have to restrain him while he screams, bites me, cries, throws up, and as his last resort as he starts to feel he's losing the fight-he looks at me with his swollen eyes and tear stained cheeks and desperately pleads with me to make them stop while all I can do is repeatedly whisper in his ear as I gently restrain his little body in my arms "I'm so sorry buddy, I'm so sorry." I hate that I inevitably worry about how other children are going to treat him (and react) because of his extremely poor social skills once he starts grade school. Kids are so mean today and parents tend to be just as bad in some cases. Tell me what decent mother wouldn't want to take this from her child?

We parents spend most days lying to ourselves telling ourselves the same 7 little words..."I wouldn't change a thing about _______" because in reality we can't bear to entertain the thought and the agonizing pain that would surely follow if we were to admit the secret our hearts possess...that we feel we've been robbed of our child and all of the hopes and dreams that immediately flooded our hearts when we held in our arms and gazed upon for the first time that tiny little newborn.

So you might be wondering how I could possibly put a positive spin on this post. Well here it is...these little babies of mine have made me a better person and I adore them. As simple as that. If there had been some sort of pre natal test that would have unveiled that my children would have Autism and I was given "the choice" (I recently read a disturbing article on this matter) there's no question or hesitation for my husband or myself. I love these little sweeties and I would choose them every time over having no children at all. They've taught me patience, how to love unconditionally, they've helped me to appreciate things that would otherwise be considered small to another parent. We don't worry about the tedious things that others our age (and sometimes a little bit older) tend to think about. Sincerely, this little speed bump has only made the connection between my husband and I that much stronger. When it comes down to it, our family unit of 5 is really all that matters to us.

(Above is our new little addition =)